I tend to do most my writing when I write through my life experiences it is like a release for me, I find it therapeutic than internalising it. Loneliness has played a big part whilst suffering with a mental illness. You can be in a loving family and still feel like the loneliest person in the world. Almost like your there but you’re on the outside looking in, ALONE!
You can be in what you think is a happy, loving and trustful marriage/relationship yet you feel completely alone. Over analysing everything asking yourself if it’s your anxiety, the paranoia that comes with it that’s making you think things are just no longer the same.
The excitement of seeing them, the affection they use to show you. The feeling that they just don’t know how to be around you anymore. Asking yourself ‘do they really want to be around me anymore’
They see you as a nag or that you are moaning constantly, when from the outside looking in things can seem so normal but deep down you can be lonely and suffering, suffering in silence. Because unless they have experienced your feelings, then they won’t understand!
I guess we cannot blame them as it is hard to understand how the mind works, how our mental health affects us. How are mental health affects others!
It would be naive to think things won’t change when you have experienced a traumatic or life changing experience. It can and most probably changes you personally, in some way!
Be it good or bad!
You then question if the person you have become is the reason things have changed as you are no longer that person, they first laid eyes on the person they fell in love with.