All new words that I have come across since I stated my blog.
It’s mad, that it takes being diagnosed with a Mental Illness, to be told you need to look after your well being.
I sat and thought.
‘ Did I really look after it before I was diagnosed’
I guess life is precious and even though we want to live it to the fullest, we must look after ourselves. Even if, we are not suffering with an Illness.
I am now sat wondering why I wasn’t thinking about my well-being before all this happened. The PTSD, the Postnatal Depression and birth trauma.
What was I doing to look after myself, before this all happened. The truth is I don’t know.
I have always been focused on caring for others, hence why I worked in the NHS for so long, up until my trauma that is. But that’s another story.
I have looked back and realised I never actually took time for myself, to gather my thoughts and just focus on myself. I was always putting others first. I still care what people think. I don’t think I will ever get over that willingness, to want to care for others. But I now realise it’s not worth it if I sacrifice myself.
I’m on my antidepressants and doing well. I have bad days but I seem to get through them a lot easier since having my increase. Therapy has helped too.
Writing is my escape, I love to get things off my chest. I use my blog like a diary. A diary that’s public, Sorry! May not be so fun to read at times.
I wanted to be open so that if your sat at home having a flick through twitter and come across my blog post. You think, ‘gosh I’ve been there.’ Hopefully you may feel less lonely.
So I am now nearly fours years on since my trauma and diagnosis. It has been a roller-coaster for sure. It has not been easy. But I’ve had support, I’ve gone to therapy twice and started antidepressants. I was clearing my cupboard the other day and came across a copy of my hospital notes. I sat and glared at them. All the awful things they did to me.
I started ripping it up. It felt great. Before I felt like I couldn’t let go of them, like I had to hold onto them for some reason. It was such a relief to just rip them up and throw them on the bin. I wanted to burn them but I thought that was going a bit far ha!
I am hoping next year will be full of more ups than downs. But I am better prepared now if there are more Downs.
Were you aware of well being, mindfulness and self-care, prior to your Mental Illness? Or is it just me.
If you live my blog please take a minute to vote for it in the #Ukba19. Thank you. 💚 I’m in the mental health and well being categories. Vote Here xx