Anxious In Public.

Anxiety sucks.

If you suffer from anxiety, you will understand when I say it can sometimes feel like a black cloud following you around.

You have good days and bad. You can start off by having a good day then bam!

Crowds and going out are my triggers, medical settings too. That’s leaning more towards my PTSD though.

I go into a shopping centre and I feel like I’m an under cover spy. Constantly looking at everyone, wondering what they are thinking, if they are looking at me.

Call me paranoid, but it really is an awful feeling.

Do I look ok?

Hmmm maybe I shouldn’t of worn this!

Gosh I look awful.

I’ll go home.

That’s basically how the conversation goes in my head, of course with myself.

It is sometimes like having an angel and devil on your shoulder.

I hate walking over to a group of people. I think, what am I going to say. No I can’t say that, they will think I’m stupid. It’s like I have the conversation with myself first, then go over prepared. I hate not being prepared. I get even more anxious. The school/nursery gates are the worst.

I have to have water and mints with me if I’m sat in a crowd or in a meeting, for my stomach, it helps.

If my Husband surprises me with a day out, my first thought is, oh crap!

Will I be safe?

What about our daughter?

What if this happens, how far am I from home.

Now I imagine that my PTSD has a part to play in it. But all in all it’s a crap feeling to have. I want my first thought to be, Yay I’m so excited. But it’s not. We recently went to see Jessie J it was amazing. Her lyrics to the song ‘who you are’ are so relatable to many. Myself included.

But when I opened my birthday card and the tickets fell out. I panicked. My first question was, will we be in a crowd?

Who is having our little one?

I am lucky that my husband is so supportive. He knows me well enough now to know that I would be worrying. So he explained before I had the chance to ask.

Support is key. They don’t have to fully understand, but being patient with you and listening to you is enough.

To have someone say, ‘you’ll be fine, come one, don’t be boring’

‘It’s not that bad’

‘Your anti social’

‘Your a party pooper’

NOT HELPFULL!

As I said I can appreciate that people may not understand anxiety or mental illness in general. But instead of having an opinion on something you truly know nothing about, educate yourself.

Be Supportive. 💚 Listen.

I have been working on dealing with the way I look at things.

‘Does that person really think ill of me?’

‘Is that person critising me or just being helpful’

I have been told to take a minute and just really think about what people are saying. Instead of thinking people only think or see the worst In me. I am really trying, but it is hard.

I guess all I have to say is, recover at your own speed. Say good bye to the negative people in your life, if you can. Look after yourself, as you are important too.

Mummy Thomas

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2 comments

  1. This is a very interesting insight into anxiety. The steps you’re taking with regard to how you look at things sound good. One of my clients is a confidence coach and one of her tips is to pause, stop, and ask yourself what a wise friend would say, and then try to believe that, rather than listen to the nagging parent or scared child voices. I’m glad you enjoyed Jessie J, I hope you get to enjoy similar things like this too. x

    Lisa | http://www.lisasnotebook.com

    Liked by 1 person

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