A typical day in the begining………
Tired from the lack of sleep
Sick and tired of trying to count sheep.
Bags under your eyes,
Wrinkles starting to show.
You’ve got Grey hair and you’ve lost that pregnancy glow.
clothes don’t fit
Undo my jeans just so I can sit.
Tie my hair back as I have no time.
Husbands working again.
Oh, what is the time.
soon as I sit
She starts to cry.
I’ve just change you, why aren’t you dry!
Change her nappy and hope she’s happy.
She’s quiet, now I focus on my diet.
Why do I bother.
I need the sugar.
I’m so tired.
I need my bed so I can rest my head.
I’m so tired, I’m just exhausted.
I cry and cry, all I do is cry.
I remember when I use to sit and it was quiet.
I remember when I use to sit and not think, I need to diet.
lunch time, nap has finished.
Bottles to be done.
I stand in the kitchen and stare at the kettle.
Crying for no Reason,
Watching the clock.
He’s nearly home.
She’s fed, bathed and changed.
Now off to bed.
Home at last.
We sit and talk about the past.
I hold the tears back, I smile when I want to frown.
I feel like I’m about to drown.
Drowning in the pain and misery.
‘Will it ever end.’
I can see no light, no future, no end.
He sits and asks me to talk to someone.
‘Why’ I say.
‘What is the point’
A year on…….
A year of counselling, reminiscing and dismissing.
My mornings are different a new day at last.
I wake up happier.
Hubby’s at work, I look at the clock.
I hear a moan, she’s awake.
Cuddles at last.
I make breakfast, we have a laugh.
We giggle together and play.
Our day is so much brighter, so much better.
I feel it’s going to be a wonderful day.
I still reminisce about the past, I still feel guilty and have days where I dwell on the past. But I have support now, at last, at last.
If only all days were this wonderful. We all have bad days and there truly is nothing wrong with that. I still have bad days three years on. I cry and cry or the anger comes out and I need time to myself to process things. Because of the guilt. We go through many emotions along the way. But with support you will get there. X
Having a Mental illness is tricky. I believe it never goes away. I feel that we learn to deal with the bad days in our own way. We find what works best for us as an individual and they become more manageable rather than gone.
Just remember even on a bad day you are a great parent.
There are some great organisations willing to support you.
And many more.