Anxiety: I Can Do This…

I can do this.

I want to do this.

I’m going to do this.

I close the door behind me.

The noises become louder, my heart beats faster.

My palms start to sweat and my head feels heavy.

Each step is scary.

I look around, I swear that person must be able to hear my heart pound.

What are they looking at. I knew I shouldn’t of come.

Do I look ok, I think I do.

I really shouldn’t of come.

Their staring at me, like I have a big sign on my head.

I suck.

I can’t leave the house without getting into a mess.

I am a failure.

I hate crowded places, they are so scary and loud.

I can’t see my way out. I need to just get out.

Why do I have this big black cloud.

A cloud that follows me, no matter where I go.

My friends roll their eyes, because to their surprise. Again I cannot rise to the Challenge. I just want to go home. I want my bed. I swear I’d be better off dead.

I finally go home. I close the door behind me. At last I feel safe. I can relax. But the thoughts I cannot put behind me.

I am a mess.

I suck.

I am a failure.

I cannot talk to anyone. No one will understand. Why is it only me?

I look in the mirror, I cry, then fall to the ground.

I open my laptop and see all those happy faces, dates, nights out, adventures, holidays and more.

I sometimes can’t even get out the front door.

But wait, what’s this. A tweet someone wrote. ‘Anxiety sucks’

I click to see what could this be.

Thousands of people who feel like me.

They explain how I’m feeling.

It’s not just me.

Could this be.

I’m not alone in this.

What have I missed.

I see there’s a group of people, they are talking. I dare not introduce myself. They may not want me to join. Instead I sit back and watch.

A week went by.

Im going to do it.

I want to do this.

‘Hi erm I’m…… I suffer with anxiety too, not sure if I’m allowed to be here or join in, Sorry’

I anxiously wait a reply.

Then bing. A reply.

‘Hi there, of course your welcome. Everyone is. We are here to support each other. How are you? ‘

I sit and cry, happy tears. I’m welcome, I wonder if they do feel the way I feel.

Then bing another reply. ‘hey I suffer with anxiety, here is my story if you would like to have a read.’

I’m not alone. Someone understands.

The things he explains, I’ve been there, I can relate. They understand.

Each week I open up more. I explain how I feel.

I try out new ways of dealing with my anxiety.

Now I can walk out my front door.

Some days are good and some are bad.

Altogether I no longer feel so sad.

At least I know I’m not alone.

I no longer feel like all I do is moan.

So here it goes….

‘Hey, I’m………. , I suffer with anxiety.’

I’m still me.

Mummy Thomas

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11 comments

  1. I love this and can so relate. You definitely aren’t alone luv and any seemingly small step you make is actually huge. You got this mumma. #BlogCrush

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is an amazing post. I remember the first time I talked about my anxiety and other people said they understood!! I genuinely thought it was only me felt this way. You’ve described it so well .
    Congratulations , someone loved your post so uch they added it to our #BlogCrush linky

    Liked by 1 person

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