Please Listen To Me

Dear Midwife,

Please Listen to me, I am a first time mum and I am very worried.

I don’t know what to eat and not to.

I don’t know what I can and cannot do.

‘You’ll be fine, it’s first time nerves’ she said.

Please Listen to me.

I lay awake all night worrying.

Do I lay on my right or my left?

Can I exercise?

Should I be a this sick?

I can’t keep anything down. I feel so weak.

Please listen to me.

I am so nervous about giving birth, what should I expect? I ask this as I sit here crying in the chair opposite you.

Do I need to prepare?

What will happen at the hospital?

When do I know if I am in labour?

Will my waters break? I guess they will and I’ll know then. That’s what happens in the movies.

‘Yes dear, that’s right, your waters will break and your contractions will be a minute apart, call the hospital then.’

Only mine never did. I was having contractions though. I rang the hospital, they said come in and we will check anyway. I was 4cm dilated. I was in labour but my waters didn’t break, why? Is this the way it is supposed to be?

You never asked about my mental health. If you did you would have known how very low I was. I had IVF to conceive. It was very difficult. I suffered in silence. I mean I couldn’t bring it up for fear of being viewed as a bad mother.

If only you asked, I would have realised it may be normal to speak about my mental health. I may have been able to open up.

I laid awake most nights. I never left the house without someone, through fear of losing her. I became obsessive about what I ate and if people cooked for me. I felt like I wanted to put myself in a bubble and stay there for nine months.

I went to the antenatal class and they spoke of nappies and Bath time. Breast feeding to. Never about the actual birth. What to expect and what would happen if complications arise.

My birth plan consisted of sitting down and being told to tick all the boxes and they will guide me on the day. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

‘You’ll be fine, it’s just nerves’ she said.

Please Listen to me when I say I am worried you won’t get her out, I have had troub…

I couldn’t finish my sentence.

Please listen to me.

I was going to tell you that in the past I’ve struggled with intercourse and smear tests. It just didn’t happen. I’m worried she won’t come out. Why can’t I have a c section?

Please you should have listened. I needed to tell you.

Turns out she did get stuck back to back at 7cm. They left it to late for a c section. I never would have ended up with the trauma and wounds I received, the sepsis and major surgery if you’d have listened.

We as women know our own bodies, we get to know them well through the years. You may be medically trained. But I feel you never had my best interests at heart.

Listen. That’s all we ask. Just listen.

They never guided me, they never listened to me. I was not in control of my own body.

If your reading this please listen to the mother sat opposite you, the mother who is nervous and scared. It may not be first time mum nerves and even if it is, reassure her and listen to what she has to say. She will thank you for it.

Please Listen.

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8 comments

  1. This is such a sad and strong post at the same time. What you’ve been trough should no one experience…ever… they need to talk and ask about more than they do. The mental healt and the fear is so real!!! It’s not just normal nerves

    Liked by 1 person

      • Gosh there is so much pressure around that. I couldn’t beast feed due to everything that happened. I went to boots and brought some powdered milk and gave the lady my money and points card. She said you can’t get points in milk, we promote bf the government thinks it best for baby. I replied well the hospital I gave birth in nearly killed me due to that I couldn’t breast feed…. Smiled and left. Her face was a picture. Grrrr. X

        Liked by 1 person

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