My toddler started nursery this week and it has been stressful for me. I have had mixed emotions. The thought of someone else taking care of her makes me feel sick, scared and anxious.
After my traumatic birth and the three years after, dealing with PTSD and PND, I just feel lost all of a sudden. She was my purpose for getting up in the morning.
I nearly died
I almost wasn’t able to be a mother.
All these thoughts have been going through my head and all I can think is, that it’s my job to keep her safe and look after her, as I nearly didn’t have that opportunity. I feel guilty that I am getting someone else to do it.
We decided to send her to nursery as she was asking to play with other children. We have moved to an area that doesn’t do any classes for her age, so nursery was the next best thing.
It has been a hit and miss week, she has been pushing and hitting the children. I couldn’t of felt more embarrassed when the teacher called me over. We do tell her off at home if she is naughty, She’s not spoilt . So why is she doing it? She knows how to share.
Thought I’d try this book.
I think this whole opportunity has been overwhelming for her, she’s frustrated and lashing out.
I thought right, I am taking her out but hubby insisted she still go.
I asked what it is they do when she is doing it and they said they talk to her and ask why. I asked if the other children are like it they said no.
I got to the car and cried. Am I a bad mother?
Is it my fault?
What am I doing wrong?
I couldn’t of felt more humiliated and just angry, mixed motions. Angry at the thought of them telling her off and thinking that they may isolate her from the others. They re assured me that that’s not the case.
I feel so upset. After everything that has happened since I gave birth I feel its been one hurdle after another. I know she has to go to nursery as she starts school next year. I know I have to let go. But how do I deal with it all?
I have been keeping busy and trying to take my mind off of her being there. I’ve been clock watching.
I’ve been reading and going for a coffee.
I’ve been exercising and stretching.
I’ve been food shopping and going for a drive.
I just feel like they will all talk about me behind my back and I will be known as the bad mother who’s child pushes their children.
You know, you see all the mums talking in their groups. God knows what the staff are saying.
I couldn’t feel more alone right now.
How was your first experience with nursery?
I hope it’s better than mine.