Hands Are Not For Hitting

My toddler started nursery this week and it has been stressful for me. I have had mixed emotions. The thought of someone else taking care of her makes me feel sick, scared and anxious.

After my traumatic birth and the three years after, dealing with PTSD and PND, I just feel lost all of a sudden. She was my purpose for getting up in the morning.

I nearly died

I almost wasn’t able to be a mother.

All these thoughts have been going through my head and all I can think is, that it’s my job to keep her safe and look after her, as I nearly didn’t have that opportunity. I feel guilty that I am getting someone else to do it.

We decided to send her to nursery as she was asking to play with other children. We have moved to an area that doesn’t do any classes for her age, so nursery was the next best thing.

It has been a hit and miss week, she has been pushing and hitting the children. I couldn’t of felt more embarrassed when the teacher called me over. We do tell her off at home if she is naughty, She’s not spoilt . So why is she doing it? She knows how to share.

Thought I’d try this book.

I think this whole opportunity has been overwhelming for her, she’s frustrated and lashing out.

I thought right, I am taking her out but hubby insisted she still go.

I asked what it is they do when she is doing it and they said they talk to her and ask why. I asked if the other children are like it they said no.

I got to the car and cried. Am I a bad mother?

Is it my fault?

What am I doing wrong?

I couldn’t of felt more humiliated and just angry, mixed motions. Angry at the thought of them telling her off and thinking that they may isolate her from the others. They re assured me that that’s not the case.

I feel so upset. After everything that has happened since I gave birth I feel its been one hurdle after another. I know she has to go to nursery as she starts school next year. I know I have to let go. But how do I deal with it all?

I have been keeping busy and trying to take my mind off of her being there. I’ve been clock watching.

I’ve been reading and going for a coffee.

I’ve been exercising and stretching.

I’ve been food shopping and going for a drive.

I just feel like they will all talk about me behind my back and I will be known as the bad mother who’s child pushes their children.

You know, you see all the mums talking in their groups. God knows what the staff are saying.

I couldn’t feel more alone right now.

How was your first experience with nursery?

I hope it’s better than mine.

First experience of Nursery and why we took her out.

First day of nursery in our new home.

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18 comments

  1. Dear sending you a big mom-to-mom hug. One of my hardest lessons that I still need reminders for (our boys are 13 and 11), our children are their own persons with their own budding personalities with strengths and weaknesses just as we have. Their behavior does not reflect on me as a person. Yes as a parent we must pray, respond and guide, teach, and correct but that doesn’t mean our children will snap to obedience, just as we often do not in God’s eyes.
    Be kind to yourself. Pray for leading with your spirited daughter. You are both covered by God Himself.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. She’s going to need a bit of time to learn to interact with others in that setting. The nursery probably has lots of experience dealing with things like this. You can get through this. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am a Reception teacher and let me reassure you that children that have not gone to nursery often have moments like this in the school setting. How do they learn how to deal with upset/anger otherwise, particularly if they are an only child? Be patient with her, and yourself. it will not be the first time nursery have come across this and it certainly will not be the last. The very fact that you write this shows that you are on board and will help her to understand that lashing out is not the answer. Nursery asking them why is a difficult question for her age to answer. She just needs to understand that if anyone takes something/upsets her that she has other options. You are doing great. Remember that! #satsesh

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh no I am so very sorry to hear the impact this is having on you right now. You are doing all the right things in terms of self-care and are right as hubby says to stay with it. As a Mum of 3 I can tell you that no one is talking about you and no one is saying you are a ‘bad Mum’ – remember that your thoughts are NOT facts. We’ve ALL been there. Nursery may be telling you that other kids aren’t doing this, but this isn’t to say they haven’t in the past or aren’t doing it at home with their siblings or on playdates. This is just a child who is lashing out because she is out of her comfort zone. My advice would be to give it no attention, don’t try and review it with her after the session, just know that they have dealt with it and focus on the positives with her, make a MASSIVE deal of the painting she’s done or the fact that she says bye to her keyworker as she leaves or something. This phase will pass. Much love. #thesatsesh xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh sweetheart you’re not doing anything wrong. My little one is doing exactly the same right now. Sometimes they just lash out as a way of expressing themselves because they’ve not quite figured out the world and it’s rules yet. But i promise you, it will pass πŸ™‚ Thank you for linking up to the #itsok linky xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, its so hard to not feel like your doing something wrong. I’m glad I’m not the only one dealing with it. The staff made me feel like my child was the only one they ever came across that does it, made me feel worse. Xx Thank you

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  6. Mom hugs for you… all of our kids do this and do not feel guilty at all. They have a lot of processing to do and a lot of emotions to keep in check. Anger, sadness, happiness, hunger… heck, there are adults I know who cannot cope with this! It will all come out in the wash. Happy Mom’s Day to you, and enjoy! #itsok xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh, bless you! You’ve done nothing wrong and you’re NOT a bad mummy! All behaviour is a form of communication. She’s probably feeling a bit scared and vulnerable and doesn’t yet know how to communicate that. If she’s not used to other children up close and personal, it’s perfectly natural to lash out really, if they get a bit close. I hope you’re ok x #thesatsesh

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you we are on week three and she seems to be doing better, she runs in excited. Fingers crossed it stays that way, along as she is enjoying herself that’s the main thing I guess. Xx

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  8. Hi!

    Now I’m not officially a parent, but my nieces are 2 and 4 and I look after them for days at a time (including night shifts). Sometimes they are naughty and being a doting uncle I take their side a lot. But my brother and his wife are smart and they say to let the kids know (ie the four year old – her sister is young enough for the “she is just a baby still” to apply) that naughty behaviour will not get a response except having toys taken away.

    Hope this helps.

    I thought you might be interested in my website. It has book extracts from my mental health memoir which I have recently finished writing, my blog, articles I have contributed to other publications/websites and a guest blog page.

    I was hoping you would consider, if you like my site, writing a guest blog for my site? It can be about anything you like, but mental health related would be aw3some!

    petermcdonnellwriter.com

    If you are interested please email me – p.mcdonnell@outlook.com

    I love your site – I am planning to read more when I can!

    Best,

    Peter McDonnell

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Peter,

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I’d love to check out your blog, If I can help I will πŸ™‚

      Many Thanks,

      Kerry

      Like

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