A Letter To The Person That Is Struggling With Their Mental Health.

Hey,

I guess if your reading this you are struggling or have struggled with your mental health.

In the early days I had so many mixed emotions and felt so isolated.

I suffer with PND, PTSD and anxiety issues. A Lot of it came from the traumatic birth, fertility issues and the rough pregnancy I had. You can read about that here My Story

I guess I just wanted to tell you that everyday will be an effort, an effort to want to get out of bed and carry on. You may be feeling low and some days you will feel like you have taken two steps forward and five back.

That’s Ok.

Nobody said this to me in the beginning. Nobody told me that it’s ok to feel how I did. So hurt turned to anger and guilt. I felt guilty for not being the mum I imagined to be. I felt so much anger at the people that caused it.

I just wanted to say that it is Ok to feel angry, upset, low, guilty, distraught, lost and isolated. The Important thing is to feel supported. You need to find someone who will listen. You don’t need to find someone who you think will give good advice, just getting everything off your chest, is such a release.

I took to writing and it helped me massively. You don’t have to be a great writer, just writing down how you feel. Write down what you did that day and how it made you feel. You may be able to tell if something triggers certain emotions. For me it is being in group situations. As everybody always asks, ‘when are you having another?’

It makes me feel like a failure and my emotions spiral out of control. My mind races and my anxiety goes through the roof as I worry what they will think of me if I say, I’m not.

I want to tell you that you have nothing to be ashamed of. It took me years to realise that. It wasn’t my fault. What happened to me, wasn’t because I wasn’t meant to be a mother.

Its not my fault, because of the trauma I experienced, I ended up with a mental illness. It took me months to accept I needed help. Not only to be the mum I wanted to be. But for me to feel happy again or at least like a human being and not an empty shell.

Getting help was the best thing I did. It was my time, where I wasn’t a mum and wife, I was just me and I was able to say what I really felt.

I talk to my husband and he is very supportive but its different talking to a stranger. You don’t have to feel guilty for just getting everything off your chest, as that’s what there being paid for.

I just want to say that there will be bad days and good, there are so many support networks out there via social media or online, confidentially if you can’t get out or feel you would prefer to speak in the comfort of your own home.

If you have a day where you don’t want to get dressed and just feel like you can’t handle the day, that’s Ok. We are all entitled to a bad day. Sometimes it becomes to much. Just make sure you have support.

Reaching out, when your ready. Even if it’s a facetime chat or a phone call. Don’t suffer in silence I did that and I’ve realised I have my days where I want to be alone for a bit, but I soon realised I felt so much better just chatting to someone, someone that I knew wouldn’t mind me just calling or texting them saying, I’m having a sh*t day.

They would send me funny cat videos.

you will have to face a lot, when you suffer with a mental illness and as I said guilt will play a major part;

‘Am I a bad parent?’

‘Why couldn’t I be the parent I wanted to be?’

‘Why can’t I go out with my mates? Anxiety sucks’

‘Why can’t I go out today?’

‘I’m to scared to leave the house’

‘Am I a burden?’

‘They will think I’m miserable,so I’ll just stay in’

A million thoughts will go through your head daily, maybe even hourly. Just know, no matter what thoughts are going through your mind that it doesn’t make you a bad parent or a bad person or even a bad friend.

you need to find your own personal way to cope.

Excercise.

Writing your thoughts down.

Write one thing your proud of each day.

Reading a book.

Drawing.

Go for a walk.

listen to some music or meditation tapes.

Join a support group.

Go for a coffee and a bit of window shopping. Treat yourself every month to something little.

Most importantly know that you will step on many stepping stones and you may take a few steps back, you will have bad days and some good. But know, with the right support you don’t have to do it alone. Fighting this alone and Isolating yourself is the worst thing you can do. Even if it feels like the right thing to do. I wish you luck and send virtual hugs.

Know that you are Strong for fighting this every day, even if you don’t feel like you are.

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Mission Mindfulness

26 comments

  1. So good post❤️I’m in a long bad period and it’s so hard to get out of. Sitting here day after day without friends who visit or calls. So I can so relate to what you’re writing about. We fight and loose and fight and win and all over again. And all we wish for is a break. Sunny days without the thoughts and pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is such an important message! It’s so true that in the beginning you think everything is your fault and you start to feel guilty for the way you’re feeling. I’ve recently suffered with my mental health and people would tell me to ‘cheer up’ which made me feel so rubbish.
    Sadly a lot of people don’t understand that feeling… but you’re so right, it’s ok to have bad days!
    I hope things are improving for you and I’m always here if you need someone to chat to! ☺️ Xx

    Like

    • Thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate it. I really hope it helps at least one person. Feeling isolated when you are suffering is awful. Feeling like your the only person in the world that feels this way and asking yourself why. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow, what an amazing piece of writing. You’re so right about up days and bad days and accepting it’s OK to feel like that. Also that bad days don’t mean you’re not a good mother. I think there’s much more awareness of mental health these days but that still doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make sure as many people as possible are aware of all the support networks out there that they can access if they so choose. Fab post, Kerry, thank you so much for this X

    Lisa | http://www.lisasnotebook.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. #thesatsesh yes to this, not to the negative bits, but to the honest, franks and gorgeous blend of hope intwined. wise words and a wonderful use of your blog – keep sharing this, its really important.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a beautiful post. Yes, it IS OK not to feel ok. With anxiety there may be good days and really bad ones in my experience. I have really suffered from it a lot. And when I think it’s gone, it comes back to bite me in the bum.
    So thank you so much for sharing this. I had to recently allow myself to take time and gather my thoughts and energy back.
    It helps when I have that safe space where i can take a breather. That is how I cope.
    Love,
    Rose
    http://www.rainbowsdreamcloud.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, its so important to take time out, I know that’s hard at times. But I learnt the hard way if you don’t you will become so poorly. 💚 X Take care Thanks for commenting

      Like

  6. I love this, its so good to see so many people sharing their incredible stories. I love your suggestions of ways to cope. I like going for a swim or reading, just making sure i have some time to myself, when I’m not a ‘mum’ or ‘wife’. I’m so glad you got help and that it’s worked for you, that’s amazing.
    Hels xx
    http://www.thehelsproject.com

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. Yes so important to have u time. Being a mum and a wife is a full time time in itself, a nice one of course. But hard work at times. Xx

      Like

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