A Letter To The Midwives And Doctors That Dealt With My Birth.

Dear Midwives and Doctors,

Some of you were involved from very early on, when I found out I was pregnant. I’m the one that called over five times at the doctor’s surgery because I left the IVF clinic happy with our positive result, but terrified of losing my baby, remember me?

I called you five times before you rang me in a panic and realised I had been forgotten. I left the IVF clinic at six weeks pregnant and was nearly thirteen weeks pregnant by time you saw me.

I was the one who came in terrified and upset worrying that I hadn’t had a scan since confirming the pregnancy. ‘Don’t worry all mum’s are nervous’ you said.

I was the one who repeatadly sat in your office worried about the birth. Telling you that I couldn’t sleep.

‘You won’t get her out’ I said.

I told you I had problems previously with intercourse and having smear tests.

‘You’ll be fine, it’s just first time mum nerves’ you said.

To the doctor who was there when I first entered your room, bucket in hand, speaking between being sick. I couldn’t stop. You sat there and asked why I was there. You didn’t pick up my notes and read them. When I told you I had health issues you said, I don’t really know why your here.

When you finally found out why I was there. I then expressed, with tears rolling down my face that I don’t think I would be able to give birth naturally, you laughed and said ‘well a c-section would be worse and we don’t just do them for anyone. It’s major surgery’

Funny how that turned out.

To the new midwife I met to do my birth plan. Who handed me a tick sheet and told me to tick the boxes of what I wanted and didn’t want. When I asked questions you said ‘tick them all unless you are against any. They will guide you when you are there anyway. ‘

Funny how that turned out.

To the midwife that I saw when I turned up at the hospital because I was in labour 4 weeks early. You said ‘ignore the women screaming, there is no need to be that loud.’

Funny that I ended up being one of those women.

To the student midwife who had no experience and no manners for that matter. You will not go far unless you learn to be empathetic and show some respect.

To the midwife that sat slumped in a chair twiddling her pen staring at me. The idea is that you are suppose to set an example and train your students to show them to have some empathy and to respect their patients wishes. To guide them through their training.

To the midwife that left me back to back in labour for 16 hours. You left it too late for me to have a c-section even though I begged throughout my whole pregnancy and labour.

To the doctor that delivered my baby with forceps and decided to stitch and unstitch, then restitch me without cleaning me up and doing it in a sterilised environment. Thanks!

Remeber that you forgot to write in my notes and did it days later, only you didn’t back date it correctly and I ended up not being checked. Thanks!

I was sent home. You are the reason I had sepsis and nearly died. You are the reason my husband nearly lost his wife and my daughter her mother.

You need to make sure going forward you put yourself in the family’s shoes and treat your patient like you would your family member. Would you of left them in the state in which you left me?

To the HCA’s that’s stood there and discussed my mental state with each other. You made me feel like an object on display. You made a bet that I would end up with PND. Well guess what I did and PTSD and anxiety issues too. I still suffer three years on. Next time, go to your patient and simply ask them if they are ok. Be more empathetic and supportive. I wonder why you chose this line of work?

To all the doctors that came, lifted my bed sheet, gasped and walked off discussing my injury with each other, Without even acknowledging me. I have lost the confidence I had and my dignity that day.

To all of you, I suffered physical and mental abuse from you all. I have a piece of paper saying you are negligent but it doesn’t make me feel better. I just hope that you will treat your future patients with empathy and respect. Listen to them and treat them like you would your own family members.

All I wanted was someone to hold my hand and listen. Because after all this if you had listened I wouldn’t of gone through what I did and I wouldn’t be carrying this around with me, three years later.

I can’t forgive you. I just hope that you’ve learnt to listen, not judge and put all your patients in the same category. To treat people as an individual and show empathy and respect. That’s all I can hope for.

My Birth Experience

Kerry

Mummythomas.blog

http://instagram.com/ktmum01

http://twitter.com/KTMummy

http://m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/kerry-thomas

19 comments

  1. That’s a horrendous catalogue of let downs.
    Are you getting psychological support now? Or is that another area where you’re being failed?
    Thank you for sharing your experiences, hopefully will help others.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. How awful! How disgusting that people who’s job it is to care for others lack in something so basic and natural to many of us.

    I’m so sorry you had such an awful experience.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m a fellow ptsd survivor/sufferer myself (car crash, not birth) I have also had similar problems with sex and smears and this is my nightmare. This is what stops me from having children. I hear/read so many stories like this it. I hope you’re doing better now x

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m Ok I have bad and good days. But after having counselling, it has helped me to get through. I hope if you want to have children that you get the support u need xx

      Like

  4. I am nearly in tears after reading this (I don’t cry) I am not pregnant nor a mother so I can’t relate but your story gripped me. I hope it’s ok to say that. I can’t really put into words without it sounded cliched and I don’t really know what to say considering I haven’t been in your position. But I want to say I’m sorry for what happened to you. That I don’t trust doctors for how they never helped me in my pre-teens when I had panic attacks and that you’re story just makes me angry and lose faith in doctors even more.
    You should send this to a magazine or somewhere it can be published, because your story should be read.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you for your kind words, it doesn’t sound clichéd. 🙂 I’ve lost faith in them to. Don’t think I will ever fully trust any doctor again tbh. X

      Liked by 2 people

  5. You are a very brave lady. Sorry to hear of your issues during pregnancy / birth, being one of the most important chapters in your life – it doesn’t help she you have people / doctors around you that cannot support / take good care of you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Each time I read your experience it makes so sad and brings up issues I had during my first pregnancy. No woman should be treated like you were. I can only hope that those who have the ability to bring about change can do so. You have come so far since then and I am proud to call friend.

    Like

    • Thank you Loraine, that’s so kind of you. I just hope by sharing and everyone else sharing their experience we may raise some awareness x

      Like

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