Third Birthday

It’s been three years since my traumatic birth, the day my daughter was born was suppose to be the happiest day of my life. But it was the hardest day I have ever experienced. Here’s my story My Story

I thought three years on I would be over it and things would be easier. I thought I could just focus on her and get over it. But I sat and I cried. I sat and thought what if? The anniversary and realising what you missed out on is always a hard time.

What if it didn’t happen?

Did I do everything I could to be a good parent. I sat and thought about everything I do and questioned if I’m doing enough. I sat and cried over the year I missed, her first year.

I cried over the fact her first cuddle was not with me, I didn’t give her, her first bath and her first bottle and dipper change.

I feel guilty even now. I wonder if that’s why she has such a strong bond with my husband.

I want to say you will get over it as time goes on, but I’d be lying. I think it’s about letting yourself cry if you need to. Making time for yourself that day. Yes of course make sure your little one gets the day they deserve. But take time to have a cry or have a think.

I go over it all in my head every year I cant help it. Its like a count down in my mind. I go over it hour by hour.

What I can remember anyway.

I guess what I’m saying is, make time for yourself, to let it all out. I got my yearly strong day gift from hubby, a cake, card and bottle of wine this year.

We took my daughter to the zoo for the day and had pizza and cake after. She had a great day. She was fast asleep on the way home.

The only way I can explain the day. I put on a fake smile for her when inside I’m angry and upset. I just want to sit alone and cry. My husband kind of leaves me to it. He is there if I need him. He is very supportive and I think if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t get through the day.


  1. I read your story and it’s very disappointing how the hospital staff treated you. Very inappropriate and unprofessional of them. It totally makes sense that you would re-experience the anger and crying on the anniversary of that day.

    It is such a cool idea that your husband gives you gifts on your “strong day.” I love that. I hope that year by year, the pain will gradually subside as you continue giving yourself permission to cry and process it.

    My experience also was a little traumatic, but more emotionally than physically. My son’s heart would stop beating whenever the doctors gave me medicine to induce contractions. (My water had broken but I was not in labor.) So they would stop the medicine and his heart would start up again.

    This went on for hours until they rushed me to an operating room for a C-section. I passed out during the C-section because a doctor was pushing on my ribs to make the baby go down. The main trauma, though, was that I gave him up for adoption. It was probably not until his 8th birthday that I was able to go through the day normally without falling to pieces.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m so sorry that sounds like an awful experience. Have you had counselling, it helped me. Thank you for your kind words. I guess all we can do is take time out to look after ourselves. X

      Liked by 1 person

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