Nervous Mummy 

I wanted to share my current struggle.

I am terrified of my daughter starting nursery early this year. She is starting with four sessions a week, the minimum.

We didn’t have a great start with nursery life at our first attempt back home. We decided to send her when she was around one and a half. It did not go well. They were awful. I would arrive to pick her up to find her upset, hiding under the table. They said she had been there all day.

I was so angry.

They said she would not come out even for something to eat. The following exchange resulted in me calling him a moron and demanding to know why I wasn’t called in. This was me being polite. I really I wanted to slap the bloke!

She wasn’t sleeping at night and would not get out of bed in the morning. Every time we left the house she would cry and beg me not to take her. I balled my eyes out before dropping her off and in the car on the way back. Safe to say that was the last straw. We took her out and never took her back.

I am hoping we have a better experience with this one.

I am also worried because she keeps me busy during the day and I feel like I am going to be a little lost when she goes. I am worried I will have too much time to think. I’m worried about taking a step back with my depression. I am trying to prepare myself by finding new things to do until I feel ready to return to work. It is as if it has hit me that I’m not going home. We have moved out of town and I have to get use to a quieter life with my friends and family further away.

I feel like I will be stuck in limbo when she goes to nursery even if I am very excited for her. Partly because she needs it, She needs to interact with other children and have new experiences.

She asked me the other day to have another baby because she wants to play with it. I knew it would come one day. I had to try to not let her see the pain I felt at that moment.

I am the reason she won’t have a sibling. Because of the trauma I suffered I can’t face it again. It hit me hard. I now think what purpose will I have when she goes to nursery? Will I be sat twiddling my thumbs?

The thought of someone else taking over and looking after my baby, making sure she eats and drinks and goes to the potty frightens me so much. The thought of them taking her out on school trips when I am not there makes my skin crawl and my anxiety goes through the roof. I have been in bed going through every possible scenario and wondering what I would do if xyz happened.

I think that is one of the worst things about anxiety and PTSD in general. I want to enjoy life and enjoy watching her grow but, at the same time I am terrified and I know that’s a natural thing for a parent to feel. I have spoken with my counsellor about it and she has given me exercise to use, CBT wise.

I would say it helps sometimes.

I have sat and thought about it and I am hoping my experience of her starting nursery here goes well. I don’t think I could handle another bad experience. I still don’t know what I’ll do with myself but I am determined to let her settle and then do something for me. Be it a university course or start a new career.

I plan on joining a few exercise classes.

Yoga

Pilates

Zumba

Swimming

I can read the books that have been sat there waiting for me to pick them up.

Go for a coffee and finish it.

Go to the toilet on my own and not have a toddler saying ‘can I wipe mummy’

Eat my lunch without little fingers pinching my crisps or half of my sandwich.

Actually sit and maybe watch a film.

Look for a career or job that I can enjoy and start when I’m ready.

Take my blog to the next level, whatever that is.

Most importantly focus on me a little more and cry at the same time as I will miss her so much.

Self care is something I take for granted and I’ve learnt when I don’t look after myself I pay for it.

Here’s to 2018.

Be kind to yourself.

Don’t suffer alone. There are some fantastic support groups out there. #pndhour on a Wednesday. #mentalhealthhour on a Sunday. 💚

https://mummythomasblog.wordpress.com

http://twitter.com/KTMummy

http://instagram.com/ktmum01

http://m.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/kerry-thomas/

44 comments

  1. That was one of the truest of blogs I’ve read. Although I am not at the stage of sending my daughter to nursery, I felt every feeling of yours. I’ll be at work soon and she’ll be at her Nannas and thought of not being able to be with her 24/7 kills me already..

    I hope your daughter’s experience this time round is a positive one.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had to send my little one to Nursery when she was nine months old as I had to go back to work. It was the best thing I done and we were so lucky to find such lovely people who love my daughter.
    When she goes Nursery, do all the things you didn’t get a chance to do. Even dare and have a day of doing just nothing. Be on the sofa, watch movies and munch on crisps. You will soon learn how much you missed these little things as well.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I remember this time myself. It was so hard to leave my babies alone at daycare and walk home alone. Also had to find something new to do and it was hard at first. But as you said, the kids needs it!!! And I really hope this one is giving all the best and both you and you’re princess can be happy❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gosh the first experience was horrific, I don’t blame you fro wanting to slap him. I hope this time round is better for you and your daughter. Change is always hard especially with dealing with mental health on top of it, but your doing the best thing in doing things to keep you busy. Be kind to yourself, your doing amazing job, us parents can be our worse critue X #thesatsesh

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. Yes your so right we really don’t help ourselves at times. I’m hoping it will go well fingers crossed. Our first settle in session next week. Ahh. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I felt the same when my son started nursery. Although we hadn’t;t had your negative experience. I think that is very unlikely to happen again! But can understand your concerns. I hope it goes well and I think having a plan of activities like yoga for you is a great idea too. #thesatsesh

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bless you! Hope it is made easy for you and it takes you no time to appreciate all the things you CAN now do. I especially like your list on the things you will do when she’s at nursery. Well done! That’s the best way to look at things.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I work with nursery children and I always find it interesting hearing from a parents perspective and the anxieties they have. I would say it is important to build up a positive relationship with at least one member of staff and this might help ease the anxiety you have leaving her. Also most nurseries have play date type days where parents are encouraged to come into nursery and see what they get up too and that can be beneficial seeing them interact with others and respond to other children and adults. I hope your nursery experience goes well and you can start to enjoy the things on your list. Good luck

    Liked by 2 people

      • Oh great hopefully that will ease your mind seeing her in nursery. I would strongly recommend building up a strong relationship with her keyworker and have a private word about any concerns. That way a mutual trust is built up and a good communication. Enjoy your play date

        Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you hope so fingers crossed. I am meeting them all on Thursday. Just hope it goes well as she needs it really. As long as she settles that’s all that matters I guess x

      Liked by 1 person

  8. #thesatsesh thanks for joining us, i totally understand your issues BUT what the actual F*CK is up with leaving a child under a table ALL day – the poor little thing. That truly disgusted me (sorry for the poor vocab), anyway I love the 2018 pics.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha no worries you should of heard me on the phone to my husband after. I didn’t let him get a word in then he told me I was on speaker In front of all his work colleagues opps as they were in the car. I then went into oh hello how are you all haha 😂. Yes he’s lucky I didn’t slap him. I was fuming. X

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I really do understand how this feels for you. My eldest loved nursery and couldn’t wait tonwave me off, but for our youngest it’s been such a different experience and it makes me ache to wave bye bye each time. I’ve learned that despite the initial tears at drop off he does actually have a brilliant time once I’m out of sight though and it is doing wonders for his confidence and social skills. It’s great that you’ve made a positive list of goals and things that you’ll be able to look forward to too. Thanks for linking lovely and I hope all goes really well for you x #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I am in the same boat and really nervous about my daughter beginning nursery. I just wrote my own post about it! And I see we feel the same but we need to remember it is good for them and I am sure they will enjoy it x

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Such a true post and one that all us mums must feel! My son started Nursery 2 weeks ago and it taken by his grandparents while I’m at work. It breaks my heart when they tell me he cries as soon as he sees the gates and clings to them while the teachers try and detach him. I’m hoping it gets easier! Wishing you all the best x

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think sometimes it affects us just as much doesn’t it. I’ve sat crying in the car and all sorts. I hope it goes well this time as she is older and more confident. Fingers crossed I guess. :/ xx

      Like

  12. I’m a new mommy to be! I’m 28 weeks and me and my partner were talking about how we think we are going to be on first day of nursery, first party they want to go to! worries me already ! i’m going to be so over protective!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am to, I think every parent is but some don’t like to admit it. Its not an easy process at all. I think I’ll Deffo be crying in my car,Ha! and the drive home. Xx Good luck

      Liked by 1 person

      • I was pretty good growing up, I did well in school and I hardly went out, I didn’t drink or hang out on street walls, but you just never know what your own child will want to do when they are older! scary!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah I am already worrying if she wants to go to uni. As the parties. It frightens the life out of me. I think it’s worse if you have a girl to. I don’t know why. :/ x

        Liked by 1 person

  13. I loved this post! It rang so true. I totally get what your feeling, I was a stay at home mum for the first 3 years of my sons life, but now i have a job that i am soon to return to after the birth of my daughter.. I don’t think i am mentally prepared to start sharing my role of looking after her with someone other than her father, and i am definitely not ready to put her in the baby room at the local nursery! My mother in law has promised to help out child care wise until we all feel ready, but even so my anxiety is through the roof!
    I hope your daughter has a better time at nursery and you both come to enjoy it! x

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I hope you and your daughter have a better experience this time around with nursery. It can be a hard transition but I hope it all goes smoothly and she has a good experience. I love your honesty as well. So refreshing. X

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s