Be Kind To Yourself. 

A big worry of mine is how my mental illness is going to impact on my daughter and will my bad days affect her.

Will she think I’m a bad mum?

I’ve learnt this;

We all have good and bad days. I guess it’s learning how to deal with them. For me I feel PTSD has changed my personality but I am still me. I am more anxious and hate crowds I will try not to put myself in a situation like that. My heart races and I feel like I am going to pass out. I worry about what could happen. My counsellor did breathing techniques with me, I still do them now. They help me when I feel anxious, I was in two car accidents before the birth trauma. I am a nervous driver this technique helps me a lot whilst driving and when I’m feeling generally anxious. Since being diagnosed with PTSD and suffering a traumatic birth I trust people less, mainly medical staff. I have bad days and I still have flashbacks. I get angry and upset.

But I am still me.

When you have a bad day don’t feel guilty you are a GOOD mum and dad. We need to tell people that more.

I have learnt that by having our bad days we shouldn’t feel guilt as we are showing our children that the world is not full of rainbows and roses. We are showing them that we have bad days and tough times. We are showing them how to deal with them as an individual and that in having a bad day we can deal with it by loving and supporting each other. We are showing them that ‘it’s ok not to be ok’ Its ok to ask for help and you don’t have to just put a smile on your face and carry on.

Most importantly it’s finding that person that will listen. It doesn’t matter if that is family or a friend or if it’s a support group that you decided to reach out to over social media.

It’s hard but good to get things off your chest. I’ve been there where I’ve got in the car and drove off slamming the front door behind me not wanting to speak to my husband about how I am feeling. I’ve gone to bed without saying a word. But I’ve learnt that in speaking to him and my counsellor it gradually felt more and more like the weight was taken off my shoulders.

It’s not easy and it was very up and down for me it still is some days. One person has to say one thing that gets my back up and I’m right back there. Guard up not wanting to speak through fear of being judged. I write this not to push people to get help but to share my experience.

You are an individual and just because this worked for me doesn’t mean it may for you. You will find as an individual what works best for you and gradually you will feel at ease and be better prepared for those bad days.
I wish you the very best and hope that on your bad days that someone supports and listens to what you have to say.

A few things that help me relax:

  • Watching a film or Reading a book as your mind goes else where in that moment.
  • Writting, you don’t have to be the next J.K Rowling just write how you feel in your own style get it off your mind and onto paper. Even if it’s just words on how you are feeling. I did this and mostly wrote sh*t, I feel sh*t. But it helped.
  • A nice bath and face mask as I feel so worn out and don’t feel like my young attractive self anymore. This lifts my spirit a little.
  • Movie night and cuddles with hubby.
  • Sometimes I like to just shut the world out and hide away. I just switch Netflix on and watch a box set on my Tod and eat some choco.

Write down the things you like to do and try and do at least one of those things a day or every other day or once a week, whatever you can fit in. I know we don’t have much spare time as parents. Your wellbeing is important. #selfcare ⭐️

https://mummythomasblog.wordpress.com
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34 comments

  1. Thank you for sharing, no one is perfect – wife, mother, we all have struggles. You have coping mechanisms which your children will see and learn, which will help them in the future.
    You are very brave and a strong woman.
    Karen

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for sharing!
    I am one who is lucky enough to go through life without anxiety or PTSD but I have dear friends who suffer and aren’t always willing to share. It helps to hear a little bit about what helps others out so I may be able to, not only understand them a little better, but maybe know some ways to help too.
    Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great post. We all need to take care of ourselves and really is ok to not be ok all the time. I struggled with anxiety/depression for years and finally reached out and went on anxiety medication. It was the best decision I ever made but I had to get over the idea of needing medication. If it makes your life better, it’s definitely worth it. Life still isn’t perfect but now using self-care ideas, like the ones you listed, helps even more.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks for sharing your story. I honestly some days have no patience and I feel guilty for that. we all have to find ways to cope so we do not have a meltdown or burn out and as you said having bad days does not make us bad people. Self care is essential so that we can be there for ourselves and the ones we love as well

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for sharing and being so honest. Its definitely hard sometimes when your mental health gets in the way of who you really are. I often feel it takes away from my ability to be the best mom and wife I can be but I know that I am doing great and I am so thankful to have a family and community that agrees.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Great post. As a single mom with depression, I can relate to the guilt and to not taking care of myself because that made me feel even more guilty. But I came to learn that if I don’t take care of myself, I can’t take care of my son either. And that I’m a good mom, because I’m always trying my best – I wouldn’t worry if I was a bad or neglectful mom. Thanks for writing this post, it makes me and others with mental illness feel less alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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