I wanted to share a few experiences I have had as a new mother. If you can relate or have come across an opinionated person who hasn’t been helpful. Leave a comment about your experience below, I’d love to hear about it.
As parents we come across all kinds of people:
People that you can connect with and laugh about the ups and downs of being a parent.
People that think we live the easy life being a stay at home mum or dad.
People that dislike children.
People that have to compare every detail of their child’s life with yours.
I suffered with a traumatic birth and ended up with a mental illness so I didn’t have the best start on my journey into motherhood. The question that bothers me most even now, from some health professionals and people close to me, or even by a complete stranger is, ‘ooh when do you plan to have another?’
I squirm and feel so uncomfortable having this conversation because of what happened. My anxiety kicks in. I start sweating, I clam up. I mumble and can’t get my words out. Meanwhile they are standing there looking at me thinking, what a moron probably!
I now say ‘I don’t know’ and agree with whatever they say. Like, ‘I bet in another 6 months you will be pregnant.’ I smile and shrug my shoulders.
The truth is I really hope I don’t ever fall pregnant again. After the IVF and the pregnancy I had, not to mention the birth, I’m still dealing with my mental illnesses. I can’t see the sunny side to getting pregnant again.
My husband and I have spoken about it and we feel the same. I’m lucky to be here and feel that we are so happy with our beautiful little girl. To be honest I couldn’t go through all that again. But I don’t want to explain this every time.
I use to say ‘no I had an awful time, quite a traumatic experience so we decided not to.’ They reply, ‘sounds like you had an awful time, but at least the baby is ok.’
My reply, ‘yeah’ (fake smile).
What I really wanted to say is ‘you are a complete moron. Yes of course we are happy our baby is ok but I nearly died having this baby!’ We don’t want to hear that. A bit of compassion and empathy would be nice. I really wish people wouldn’t ask at all.
Another one is, ‘it’s been a year now at least you can forget and move on.’
Me, ‘yeah you’re right’ (eye roll).
What I really wanted to say is, ‘yeah I’ll just move on from the worst day of my life, no worries, it’s so easy to forget.’
I think that’s why I took to blogging to raise awareness and let people know that haven’t experienced birth trauma or a mental illness, what it’s like living with one. In the hope they would become more understanding and empathetic.
Now this next one really annoyed me!
‘ Is your daughter walking yet or crawling yet’ ermm no.. Should she be? Then of course the anxiety spiral begins. I ask myself what am I doing wrong. When in actual fact I am doing nothing wrong. I realise that now. They do things in their own time.
I felt the rage inside me though, mixed emotions. I felt like I was about to burst into tears and change into the Incredible Hulk. Deep breaths I thought deep breaths.
We feel rubbish enough as it is. Some of us feel like a failure and feel nothing but guilt. We wish we didn’t have to carry this around with us and think, what if?
The dreaded food shop!
When you are shopping and your child is kicking off you always have that one person who tuts, shakes their head and looks at you like you’re the worst mother ever. You’ve already gone bright red and now gritting your teeth. While you say, ‘wait till we get home and I tell your Dad.’ We really don’t need the judgemental looks or comments that you mutter under your breath.
This is what I have to say to you.
I went out for lunch with my little girl and a women and her adult daughter were sat opposite. My little girl decided to have a tantrum because she didn’t like her dinner. I gave up after the fifth time trying to persuade her. So I gave her some veggie sticks out of her bag. The lady looked at me and pointed and said to her daughter. ‘You see that’s why you don’t give in as a parent They will kick off all the time now It’s not good to give in’ Safe to say I felt like rubbish. Why do people have to do that?
I wanted to lob my fork at her but I thought she will be giving me a speech about throwing things next.
I once went to a baby music class. My daughter was only 11 months old. she waddled off to get a drum stick, only she decided she wanted one of the ones off the pile that this other child had collected. The next thing I know the child’s mother comes storming over and demands the stick back. My face dropped. Safe to say we didn’t return to that specific class again😱.
That’s just a few experiences I’ve come across as a new parent. I wish people would be less judgemental and more supportive. If only!
How about you?
What experiences have you come across?
I have ranted but it’s good to have a rant now and again. At least I think it is. 😂🤦🏻♀️