I wanted to share a few experiences I have had as a new mother. If you can relate or have come across an opinionated person who hasn’t been helpful. Leave a comment about your experience below, I’d love to hear about it.
As parents we come across all kinds of people:
People that you can connect with and laugh about the ups and downs of being a parent.
People that think we live the easy life being a stay at home mum or dad.
People that dislike children.
People that have to compare every detail of their child’s life with yours.
I suffered with a traumatic birth and ended up with a mental illness so I didn’t have the best start on my journey into motherhood. The question that bothers me most even now, from some health professionals and people close to me, or even by a complete stranger is, ‘ooh when do you plan to have another?’
I squirm and feel so uncomfortable having this conversation because of what happened.
I now say ‘I don’t know’ and agree with whatever they say. Like, ‘I bet in another 6 months you will be pregnant.’ I smile and shrug my shoulders.
The truth is I really hope I don’t ever fall pregnant again. After the IVF and the pregnancy I had, not to mention the birth, I’m still dealing with my mental illnesses. I can’t see the sunny side to getting pregnant again.
My husband and I have spoken about it and we feel the same. I’m lucky to be here and feel that we are so happy with our beautiful little girl. To be honest I couldn’t go through all that again. But I don’t want to explain this every time.
I use to say ‘no I had an awful time, quite a traumatic experience so we decided not to.’ They reply, ‘sounds like you had an awful time, but at least the baby is ok.’
My reply, ‘yeah’ (fake smile).
What I really wanted to say is ‘you are a complete moron. Yes of course we are happy our baby is ok but I nearly died having this baby!’ We don’t want to hear that. A bit of compassion and empathy would be nice. I really wish people wouldn’t ask at all.
Another one is, ‘it’s been a year now at least you can forget and move on.’
Me, ‘yeah you’re right’ (eye roll).
What I really wanted to say is, ‘yeah I’ll just move on from the worst day of my life, no worries, it’s so easy to forget.’
I think that’s why I took to blogging to raise awareness and let people know that haven’t experienced birth trauma or a mental illness, what it’s like living with one. In the hope they would become more understanding and empathetic.
Now this next one really annoyed me!
‘Your daughter has a gap in her teeth you might want to rectify that.’
Me, ‘smile and remain silent.’
What I really wanted to say or do…slap her! You rude cow, how dare you insult my two year old daughter!’
I felt the rage inside me. I felt like I was about to burst and change into the Incredible Hulk. Deep breaths I thought deep breaths.
One I’m sure we can all relate to, ‘at least you didn’t have a C-section, could of been worse.’ I really don’t see why people say this, it’s like a competition to some people. If you had a natural birth and came out the same day you’re a warrior. If you had an awful birth or C-section you failed. But again the babies ok. Why?!
Thanks for that.
I mean do people really not think how this person is feeling. I’ll tell you, so you think before you speak next time.
We feel rubbish enough as it is. Some of us feel like a failure and feel nothing but guilt. We wish we could have popped our baby out and skipped out the hospital hours later that day. We wish we didn’t have to carry this around with us for the rest of our life and think, what if?
But thank you for reminding us about it. If you had a C-section or a horrific birth via intervention, it’s still horrific and still sucks either way. Some women don’t have either and still end up traumatised. Giving birth is awful and that’s the polite way of putting it.
The dreaded food shop!
When you are shopping and your child is kicking off you always have that one person who tuts, shakes their head and looks at you like you’re the worst mother ever. You’ve already gone bright red and now gritting your teeth. While you say, ‘wait till we get home and I tell your Dad.’ We really don’t need the judgemental looks or comments that you mutter under your breath.
This is what I have to say to you.
I went swimming and there was an elderly group of women complaining that they had toddler swimming classes early in the morning and it disrupts their swimming. No peace and quiet they say.
Come on get a life. We can’t win as new parents. We are either a bad parent for staying in doors with them all day and when we do take them out we experience nothing but judgemental looks or comments.
I went out for lunch with my little girl and a women and her adult daughter were sat opposite. My little girl decided to have a tantrum because she didn’t like her dinner. I gave up after the fifth time trying to persuade her. So I gave her some veggie sticks out of her bag. The lady looked at me and pointed and said to her daughter. ‘You see that’s why you don’t give in as a parent They will kick off all the time now It’s not good to give in’ Safe to say I felt like crap. Why do people have to do that?
I wanted to lob my fork at her but I thought she will be giving me a speech about throwing things next.
I once went to a baby music class. My daughter was only 11 months old. she waddled off to get a drum stick, only she decided she wanted one of the ones off the pile that this other child had collected. The next thing I know the child’s mother comes storming over and demands the stick back. My face dropped. Safe to say we didn’t return to that specific class again😱.
That’s just a few experiences I’ve come across as a new parent. I wish people would be less judgemental and more supportive. If only!
How about you?
What experiences have you come across?
I have ranted but it’s good to have a rant now and again. At least I think it is. 😂🤦🏻♀️